As a person, I crave several states of being and living: control, order, regime and to a degree, certainty. The problem which I am currently encountering is that a large proportion of these are not entirely within my own control.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a discussion with a person who having served for several years within the military they had now embarked upon a degree in a language, as a mature student and, like many undergraduates (even myself, back then), saw themselves as having a rosy future after graduation, so long as they made the effort to be successful. I remember pointing out that a degree doesn’t actually guarantee you anything, save for a sheet of paper and the entitlement to use a collection of letters after your name. It a may be a conduit to something else, but it’s no longer a case of a degree/masters/doctorate is a guarantee of employment and a more protected passage through life. Those things died out decades ago; I am currently not the only unemployed undergraduate I know of and I’m certainly not sitting on my metaphorical laurels (6 interviews in the last 14 days!)

Currently, my own journey feels rather like being on a fairground ride and I’ve always hated those. In the last few months, I have been messed around more than I care for. In fact, today I have been told to ‘Piss off, if I don’t like it’ by a school who having offered me a role at 20 hours a week, on a good hourly rate some three or four weeks ago suddenly went silent about a start date and face to face meeting. The director of this company then went to China on a business trip and no one answered phone calls, voicemail and email only managed to illicit a reply after 6 requests for an update. The school then re-advertised for online teachers for 4 hours a week and that this was the only reason I had been given the courtesy of a call today (the call was 18 late). I will refrain from naming and shaming the school, but they are based in Leeds and teach non-native English speakers, so anyone who reads this and is looking for TEFL work may get in touch if they wish clarification.

The Autism Act is designed to create a level playing field for those with autism. However, does it?

Reliance on legislation means that we need to make potential employers aware of our condition; which is something we may not wish to share. Once we have informed people of this fact, we cannot retract the knowledge or stigma which might be attached to anyone with any form of limitation.

The employer cannot reject a candidate specifically because of autism, but of two equal candidates, one on the spectrum and one not, well I’m not sure if that has a bearing on helping to make a difficult decision easier or not.

Personally, I’m not good at meeting a lot of people for the first time; it takes me a while to settle into an environment, this can be social or professional. Until this becomes familiar, I will being ‘masking’ and that requires a lot of energy to appear to be able to fit into a large group or appear to be making eye contact, i.e. NT behaviour. Therefore, an interview is a tough process for me and others on the spectrum in most cases; in very rare cases, I find people who I automatically can relate to, but this is rare – I recall once being interviewed by a fellow Goth for a role in a law firm, who I suspect was also on the Autistic Spectrum because we both got rather excited about music, club nights, festivals and so on, to the extent that I’m not sure that we discussed the role or my skill set relating to it the job for more than a few minutes out of an hour long interview.

The problem I have is that my desire for certainty, control, stability and all of the other external things I desire is that I can only control a small proportion of the equation. I can continue making applications, completing forms (which require a lot of energy from me),  putting on a tie (I loathe wearing a tie), attending interviews, spending countless hours in interview preparation and research and so on. I’m just hopeful that the result will eventually turn to my favour.

To anyone else in the same position; I wish you the best of luck.