Weird place

Like everyone else, I find myself in the midst of the pandemic confused and disoriented by this disease and the effects upon the world and those around me. No one can predict the effects, the spread or whether or not the individual will maintain their own health in the face of a challenging and unprecedented situation.

Working in a support role, I find myself as a key worker, not quite sure of what or how to do anything next. In line with policies and procedures, hygiene has been stepped up; the service users are on lock down as one is displaying flu-like symptoms. None of the staff (all of which are excellent) know how long we will be locked down or how things are going to pan out.

In short, it all feels very strange. The normal routines which help the service users in line with their support plans are now subject to a whole raft of ever-changing rules and procedures. The service users are board, frustrated and unhappy (as well as one being unwell). They don’t understand why and all we can do is make being in isolation as comfortable as possible.

For me, it all feels rather dreamlike; I crave order and certainty and there really isn’t the usual level of these things at the moment. As such, my anxiety is far too high and I am really not functioning at my best. But I guess that I am functioning, that means something. I am trying to create order in amongst the chaos; as such at work I throw myself into endless cleaning and disinfection; coupled with monitoring temperatures and increasing fluid intake.

I have found that my sense of time is out of synch and even with a watch on, time still feels abstract. The fact that most people appear to be following lockdown again makes everything feel strange, so few people around. Although whenever I seem groups of people I tend to judge them adversely.

In the meantime, at least I can get out and train this afternoon and training alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I will look forward to company when I can have it but in the meantime I will try to keep this part of my life reasonably normal.

Stay safe, maintain distance from others and minimise contact with people who are non-essential. Listen to advise from the government and employers and try to be nice to each other.

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