Overwhelmed

(This blog was drafted on Monday morning)

I seem to have been bogged down in application forms and interviews for the last two weeks. I was offered a job working as a support worker for students with autism, but despite me having applied for a role in Manchester, I was offered one almost a 100 miles away on a zero-hour contract. Needless to say, I have declined the offer.

If this blog seems a little erratic, that’s probably down to the fact that I couldn’t sleep last night so I’ve been online all night completing more applications and now I have the cat sleeping deeply on my lap and I’m not wanting to move her. So, espresso and lack of sleep can be my justification.

Interviews are always a challenge for most people. Now, I am aware that some people on the spectrum struggle with meeting new people; this is something that I trained myself out of many years ago. I worked in environments which require interaction with a constant influx of new people and we can learn to deal with an awful lot. I’m reasonably OK with new people, but my personal struggle comes in communicating on a deeper level; I can’t read people easily and when I do, I frequently reach the wrong conclusion. I have taken the attitude that, in interviews, I tend to tell people that I am on the spectrum and explain that I may just be more specific in conversation and that whilst it might appear that I’m making eye contact I won’t be and if my eyes wonder slightly it’s not me being rude. (I try to look at a person’s nose or eyebrows, which gives the impression of making eye contact.)

So in all, it has been a stressful few weeks and I’m still waiting on surgery to remove the pins from my ankle, which will allow me to get back on the bike and running again, both of which help me to feel ‘normal and healthy’. My surgical appointment is booked for the 23rd of September and hopefully recovery won’t take more than a few days.

Watching the mountain bike racing on Redbull TV reminds me how much I’m missing it and that I was supposed to be racing in Switzerland this coming weekend. As I’m not able to ride, let alone race, we have decided to simply take a couple of days to get away, enjoy being in the mountains and relax; I’ve not had a holiday since 2016 and then I ran a marathon up the Jungfrau (great fun but not particularly relaxing). So, cat sitting services have been found and myself and my girlfriend are very much looking forward to a few days away. **

** Wednesday morning edit prior to publishing. 

I was expecting and promised the return of money from family which was going to pay for spending money to go on holiday. Said money has not been returned and I’m simply not able to get a reply from my brother (who is lousy with answering the damn phone anyway). I’m in two minds as to whether I cancel the trip, we really can’t go to Switzerland without money, I remember how expensive a bag of groceries or a sandwich is and I haven’t lived or visited in three years. 

As I cope with interaction with others and daily functioning by use of creating plans, routines and structure, I find myself currently wanting to tear my skin off, whilst trying to type whilst stimming with my head and feet.