Doing things I dislike…

NT and Neurodiverse alike, we all have to do things that we dislike. This is part of life and whilst we may procrastinate and try to find alternatives, we have to face these demons. Forms and general formal communication is my personal demon.

I’m currently embarking on this years round of PGCE applications, with the intention of qualifying as a primary school teacher. Various, financial and professional hurdles got in the way last year, hence, I’m having to go through the hoops once again.

Whilst, I’m very good at certain things, I’m not good with forms; in fact, forms, even simple ones, fill me with dread. I’ve got through a few pages and it has taken me most of the afternoon. I’m stimming and trying to self-soothe and these things are helping to keep my anxiety at a controllable level. However, this is slow progress, it just needs to be completed and I’m trying not too curse myself too much for hating doing it and finding something which shouldn’t be scary, so terrifying.

It’s not just academic forms, job application forms are the same as are most other forms. Even making choices of places I would like to complete the course has been stressful. Next stage is finding people willing to give me references…

‘Do I disclose myself as being on the spectrum or not?’

‘If I don’t I’m being less than honest and I may not get available help and support later if I need it. If I do, will it mitigate against me?’

‘How long is it going to take to include three decades of work history; yes, I don’t have anything else planned for this evening, but damn, I just hate forms’ 

All of this thoughts and a million others which are completely tangental serve to compound the job in my head and make it bigger and scarier than a simple online form should be.

In the meantime, here’s what my desk feels like this: –

paperwork

 

 

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