This past week has been a rather arduous one, with a lot of meetings, running on differing time zones, different recruiter and parent and subsidiary companies, none of which are clearly identifiable. All of which lead to a huge increase in my anxiety levels and my general feeling of frustration, confusion and anxiety that I might inadvertently miss something. This lead to a major meltdown on Wednesday, plans being cancelled and several people told where to get off. As I have mentioned earlier, this behaviour is not intentional, it’s not something I have a lot of control over, it just feels like the pressure inside of me is too great and that something needs to give, in order to relieve that pressure. I also felt utterly drained and despondent and was probably in bed before 7pm.
Thursday, I handled it a little better. I simply opted to re-prioritise and re-schedule things which were too much for the following morning. I then decided that my mental health was more important for the afternoon and went and did something which makes me happy; I rode my bike.
Friday, I coped a lot better, partially because I spent some time on Thursday starting to organise a plan for the following day and as such, the day went without incident and feel productive.
I think that the fact is that I can longer live on my nerves, it’s not healthy. I must also remember that there are people around me who will listen on those lousy days (although sometimes, they keep differing hours – consider that Friday started at 5am!) I’m also reading and trying to educate myself as much as possible about ASD and to find ways to cope and conduct myself with minimal impact upon my life and the lives of those around me. It’s also important for me to remember that my obsessions often bring me great satisfaction and happiness and this should not be forgotten.
Thought for the day: There is a plan… Some things I can control, some things I can only influence and some are in the lap of the Gods.